Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

My theory is that women’s voices contain frequencies that men simply can’t hear.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

“Each to their own!” Translation: You’re wrong, but never mind.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings.

Making waves on Twitch:

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

Trending via WeChat:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

You don’t get to comment on the world until you’ve made your bed.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

Breaking via Slack:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Breaking via Telegram:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about pretending the whole year was just method acting, not real life.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Next year's performance has already been nominated for the Drama Desk Awards! 🎭😂

acting, bit, fake, humor, i, joke, life, method, method acting, none, performance, real, role-playing, work, working, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Messenger this month:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

Once your parents move from “What time are you coming back” to “Are you coming back today,” you have won the war.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

27 shares on Discord this month:

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is completely stupid.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

You’ll be fighting for your life financially and that’s when all your toiletries finish at the same time.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I have information that will lead to where your hug is at.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Going viral on Facebook:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Trending via Threads:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Going viral on Messenger:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Just shared via Reddit:

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

Trending via Snapchat:

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Spotted on Telegram:

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

Trending via Twitch:

If parallel universe exist, I hope the other me is doing well.

Live now on Snapchat:

Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

What’s a beginner question to ask for someone just getting into being nosy?

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

What’s a beginner question to ask for someone just getting into being nosy?

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨