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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

You’re my least favourite notification.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always “Never.”

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I will sit in the rain about this.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,725

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Remember that your face is literally a combination of hundreds of generations of people who fell in love!

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

Just landed via Reddit:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

Trending via Instagram:

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Spotted on Reddit:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

Trending via Threads:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I need to drink less water. This peeing situation is out of control.

Just landed via TikTok:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

2 months ago

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"Level up your heist skills: become a Time Bandit! 🚽⏰🤣"

bathroom, bathroom break, break, company, company time, humor, office, office supply, procrastination, steal, supply, take, theft, time, why, work, work humor, workplace, workplace humor

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45 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

44 shares on Twitch this month:

If Liverpool play Real Madrid right now, both teams will lose the game.

51 shares on Discord this month:

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

68 shares on X this month:

Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

73 shares on Slack this month:

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

76 shares on X this month:

I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

All the world’s a stage, and I always forget my line.

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

Breaking via YouTube:

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

Going viral on Reddit:

Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

Spotted on Twitch:

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

Breaking via X:

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

Going viral on WeChat:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Making waves on Discord:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

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Activity Log ✨

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Keep the laugh going 😂

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨