Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,332

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Seen just now on Slack:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Just landed via Slack:

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Just landed via X:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Seen just now on Discord:

Aging isn’t even 1% as scary as whatever is going on with the people trying not to.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I’m almost finished reading your tweet. Love it so far.

Spotted on Threads:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

Witty quote about polite greetings sounding suspiciously ominous.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
😂 "Next time my barista tells me to 'enjoy the next 24 hours,' I'm ordering my coffee with a side of panic! ☕😅🚨"

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Telegram this month:

Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

64 shares on Threads this month:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

17 shares on Slack this month:

I was gonna kiss you under the blood moon eclipse, but whatever, bro.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

15 shares on Threads this month:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

64 shares on WeChat this month:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

59 shares on Twitch this month:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got my test results back and my cholesterol level is a cheese bratwurst.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,586

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Behold the majestic elephant in its natural habitat, the room.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Labubu?! Sounds like a name picked mid-sneeze!

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

Trending via Instagram:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Live now on Telegram:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

Going bananas on Threads:

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Going bananas on X:

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

Going viral on WeChat:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Making waves on X:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴