Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because I have a terrible memory.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

Just landed via Twitch:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

Making waves on TikTok:

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.

Just landed via Snapchat:

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

Just shared via Reddit:

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

You don’t even have to date, by the way. You can just take a break from love and then randomly meet the actual love of your life somewhere you weren’t even supposed to be.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

actual, break, date, even, humor, just, life, love, meet, meeting, relationship, somewhere, take, unexpected, unexpected meeting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Musk goes “exactly,” and it’s the stupidest tweet you’ve ever read in your entire life.

0

2 weeks ago

Elon, Elon Musk, ever, exactly, humor, internet, internet humor, life, media, musk, read, social, social media, stupid, tweet
“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

0

5 months ago

anything, boo, cheer, doctrine, goated, humor, me, mean, morty, nothing, rick, Rick and Morty, seen, us
The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

0

2 months ago

advice, challenge, experience, family, fun, humor, kids, parenting, shop, shopping
I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

0

2 months ago

activity, balance, entertainment, everyone, finding, fun, fun activity, game, games, harder, hobby, i, job, leisure, management, movie, playing, say, show, shows, speak, time, time management, TV, TV Show, video, video game, watching
Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

0

2 months ago

appointment, before, care, cramming, day, dental, dental care, dentist, floss, history, humor, i, procrastination, test
I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

0

2 months ago

distraction, humor, i, management, multi-tasking, multitasking, procrastinator, put, put off, things, time, time management

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on YouTube this month:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

12 shares on Threads this month:

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

50 shares on Instagram this month:

Growing up, there was a Cody in every elementary school class, but as an adult, I haven’t met a Cody in years. Where did they go?

82 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m actually really good looking if you don’t look at me.

92 shares on X this month:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

Spotted on Reddit:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Trending via TikTok:

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

Seen just now on X:

I remember sex. That was cool.

Live now on Telegram:

Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

Making waves on Facebook:

You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You don’t even have to date, by the way. You can just take a break from love and then randomly meet the actual love of your life somewhere you weren’t even supposed to be.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Musk goes “exactly,” and it’s the stupidest tweet you’ve ever read in your entire life.

“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨