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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Does everyone have that one colleague at work who puts you in a bad mood just by looking at them?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,858

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Trending via Discord:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Just landed via Threads:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Just landed via Instagram:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Just landed via Threads:

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

Live now on X:

Females be naked so much online, I be like, damn, I bet she look good in a sweater.

Just landed via Threads:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
This is why I charge my friends a cover fee just to enter my living room 😂🎤💸

bad, bad guy, comedian, double, double standard, free, good, guy, hear, humor, i, money, offensive, pay, say, something, standard

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

1 month ago
alcohol, dark, dark humor, drinking, hours, humor, last, me, mortal, sarcastic, supernatural, tell, vampire, vampire humor
I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

1 month ago
again, celebrity, football, game, guy, humor, i, sports, swift, taylor, Taylor Swift, today, wonder
I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

1 month ago
being, bugs, cold, hot, humor, i, irony, just, love, outdoor, outside, too, weather, wet, windy
Unfollowers, take me with you!

1 month ago
disconnect, humor, me, media, relationship, social, social media, take, unfollower
Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

1 month ago
confusion, definitely, hate, here, humor, imagine, irony, just, me, over, remember, self-deprecation, spell, spelling, thoughts, trying
I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

1 month ago
abstract, abstract art, art, black, black shirt, deodorant, every, humor, i, lot, self-deprecation, shirt, shit, someone, talk

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Manipulative birthday text to an ex idea: thank you for loving me briefly in the way that only you could.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Don’t hate me, date me!

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Trending via Reddit:

I like my bed more than I like most people.

Going viral on YouTube:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

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Activity Log ✨

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

I hate when I finish a show and don’t know what to do with my life.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

Remember that your face is literally a combination of hundreds of generations of people who fell in love!

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

The first step to recovery is addiction.

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

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You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Unfollowers, take me with you!

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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