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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

No, I don’t want to read the article first, I want to argue now.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,530

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes.

Just landed via Threads:

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

Just landed via X:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Trending via Slack:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Making waves on X:

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Going bananas on Threads:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Spotted on Twitch:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Seen just now on Slack:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Broadcasted on X:

Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

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Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.
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Commentary:
Celebrating another trip around the sun by becoming a pro at copy-pasting "Thanks!" 😅🎉📱

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Related Funny Quotes 🤝

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

98 shares on Threads this month:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

For those who don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they’re making a male version that doesn’t listen to anything.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

30 shares on Threads this month:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My talents are so hidden that I can’t even find them.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,533

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

You never hear anything about Mr. Rubik himself, only about his cube.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

Making waves on YouTube:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Trending via Snapchat:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Trending via Reddit:

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

Making waves on Instagram:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Spotted on Discord:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

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