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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I miss being a kid. Nobody asks what my favorite dinosaur is anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,228

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Breaking via Reddit:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Live now on Instagram:

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

Just landed via X:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

Trending via Facebook:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Shared recently on Threads:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oops, my bad! I guess it's time to upgrade my vocabulary software from the 1900s 📟 ➡️ 🤖 #VintageProblems #OldSchoolCharm 😂🍏

1900s, accidentally, calorie, calorie deficit, deficit, diet, everyone, food, humor, i, knows, loss, mistake, old fashioned, old-fashioned phrase, phrase, said, weight, weight loss

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

0

5 months ago

bodily, bodily function, farting, function, habit, humor, i, just, late, late night habit, night, nights, stay, staying, staying up late
I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

0

2 months ago

anticipation, away, before, before picture, fitness, humor, i, loss, months, perfect, picture, self-deprecation, six, six months, think, weight, weight loss
Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

0

2 months ago

brag, childless, humor, life, life situation, situation, time
Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

0

2 months ago

chubby, contradictions, dynamics, eat, eating, family, family dynamics, food, guilt, humor, less, little, parents, say
I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

0

2 months ago

dating, humor, issue, life, politics, relationship, single, single life, voter
They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

0

2 months ago

break, breaks, give, health, humor, irony, lifespan, smoker, smokers, taken, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Threads this month:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Good morning. Does anyone know what is right and what is wrong?

39 shares on Reddit this month:

Oh, I’m so excited to wear Uggs, beanies, and oversized sweaters. I can feel fall creeping up.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

54 shares on Slack this month:

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

The most refreshing way to fight your personal demons is to make demonade.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Cookbook, but each recipe includes a photo of all the dishes that need to be cleaned after making it.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Just landed via Facebook:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Trending via Reddit:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Spotted on WeChat:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Trending via Threads:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨