Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Born to be a Jedi spinning a lightsaber, forced to work full-time and pay rent.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,597

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Making waves on Discord:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Just landed via Telegram:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

Just landed via TikTok:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Live now on Pinterest:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Trending via Facebook:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

Spotted on Twitch:

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

Just landed via Pinterest:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
At least AI won't hog the bathroom at work! 🚽🤖💼

after, AI, bathroom, bathroom break, behavior, break, clocking, clocking in, coming, human, human behavior, humor, ID, job, jobs, poop, productivity, right, take, toilet, work, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

0

2 months ago

brain, humor, mental, mental state, mood, properly, sarcasm, state, think, today
I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

0

2 months ago

alone, car, good, humor, i, moment, people, performance, private, private moment, self-expression, shower, sing, singing, wish
Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

0

2 months ago

activity, away, country, cross, cross country, dating, existed, fun, fun activity, high-speed, high-speed rail, lovers, opportunity, rail, relationships, think, transportation, travel
Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

0

2 months ago

clear, clear signals, communication, confusion, dating, even, humor, i, me, misunderstanding, mixed, mixed signals, please, relationships, send, signals, understand
I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

0

2 months ago

before, deleting, Elon, here, humor, i, internet, loyalty, media, nostalgia, opinion, social, social media, statement, Twitter
I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

0

2 months ago

comedy, hilariou, humor, joke, laugh, own, self-deprecation, witty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Discord this month:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

91 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

My body is a “wonder what happened” land.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

18 shares on Threads this month:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

Trending via Threads:

I’m officially at the age where I enjoy when people cancel plans.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

Shared recently on Telegram:

That moment when rappers mispronounce a word just to make it rhyme.

Spotted on X:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Going viral on Facebook:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Muting morons is good for your health.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨