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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,391

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

You are the Monday of my life.

Making waves on WeChat:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Trending via LinkedIn:

They should invent a relationship that doesn’t turn into the worst experience of my entire life.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Shared recently on X:

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Making waves on YouTube:

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

Witty text about playful teasing and humorous relationship banter.
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Commentary:
Oh no, should I be worried about your debate diet? 🗣️🍽️😂

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Facebook this month:

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

Donuts hug you from the inside.

60 shares on X this month:

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

94 shares on X this month:

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Social media is mental suicide.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,510

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

This coffee is not coffeeing the way I need it to be coffeeing.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Standing like a flamingo at my kitchen counter eating watermelon is such a vibe.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

If three ghosts visited me on Christmas, I’d make them play Mario Party with me.

Just shared via Reddit:

People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

Going viral on YouTube:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Going viral on Slack:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

Going viral on Messenger:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Shared recently on X:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

Seen just now on Discord:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Going viral on Facebook:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

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