Fake laughing at work is mentally exhausting. Please just leave me alone.

95 shares on Threads this month:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

53 shares on Threads this month:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.