Funny 9-5 job quotes

32 shares on Telegram this month:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

58 shares on Discord this month:

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.