Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Enjoying the consequences of my actions.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Just shared via Threads:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Just landed via WeChat:

I get writer’s block responding to people.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

Just landed via YouTube:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Just landed via Instagram:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

Live now on TikTok:

Can y’all just post your therapist’s advice in the comments so I don’t have to go?

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Funny absent father quotes

New funny absent father quotes 👇

Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

4 weeks ago

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All funny absent father quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Reddit this month:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

48 shares on Threads this month:

Are you gonna meow for me or what, bro?

33 shares on Telegram this month:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

87 shares on Threads this month:

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

58 shares on Slack this month:

The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

87 shares on Reddit this month:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

The final act of love is not texting them happy birthday.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Spotted on Facebook:

Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

Just landed via Facebook:

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Making waves on Discord:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Spotted on Threads:

I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.

Going viral on Slack:

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny absent father quotes

New funny absent father quotes 👇

Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

All funny absent father quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨