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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,741

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

Breaking via Messenger:

Nobody declines a call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

Breaking via Twitch:

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Seen just now on Telegram:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

Spotted on X:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Trending via Slack:

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

Going viral on Messenger:

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

Funny alibi quotes

Funny alibi quotes bring a hilarious twist to those moments when you need the perfect excuse 😅✨ Whether you’re dodging blame or just having fun, these witty lines add a sprinkle of humor to any situation 🎭😂 Get ready to laugh out loud and maybe even find your go-to alibi for the next time life throws you a curveball! 🚀🕵️‍♂️ #AlibiGoals

New funny alibi quotes 👇

All funny alibi quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on Threads this month:

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

15 shares on Threads this month:

I have more trips planned than I have money.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

Who called it a missed phone call from your parents and not a boomer rang?

36 shares on Reddit this month:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

76 shares on Discord this month:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

Me: This is a hard escape room. Manager: You’re at work.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

94 shares on Instagram this month:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,343

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Going viral on Instagram:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Spotted on Threads:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

Just landed via Slack:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Live now on Twitch:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Live now on YouTube:

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

Shared recently on WeChat:

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Ghost stories sound way scarier with an English accent.

Live now on Telegram:

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

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