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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has viewed:

Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡΄ has viewed:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

They say 30 is the new 20, and 40 the new 30. All I know is 9 p.m. is the new midnight.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡± has shared:

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say β€œit makes sense that you would think that”.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Έ has copied:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡° has copied:

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡΄ has shared:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡© has bookmarked:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¬ has shared:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,737

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via Instagram:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of swagness.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario’s advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform.

Trending via Twitch:

Mashed potatoes are just German guacamole.

Trending via TikTok:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

Trending via Reddit:

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Funny deadly quotes

Funny deadly quotes blend wit and danger in the most unexpected way πŸ’€πŸ˜‚! These sharp, clever lines hit with a punch of humor while keeping things edgy and fierce ⚑️πŸ”₯. Perfect for those who love a little mischief mixed with their laughs, they’re sure to make you grin and think twice at the same time πŸ€”πŸ˜‰. Ready to dive into some hilariously lethal wordplay? Let’s go! πŸ•΅οΈβ€β™‚οΈβœ¨

New funny deadly quotes πŸ‘‡

All funny deadly quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes πŸ‘Œ

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on YouTube this month:

In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

73 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

45 shares on X this month:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

The circus does not condone the actions being taken by its monkeys.

100 shares on Slack this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

74 shares on X this month:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

β€œBaby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

74 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,602

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡· has viewed:

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡― has copied:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡· has shared:

My friend says to me, β€œWhat rhymes with orange?” And I told him, β€œNo, it doesn’t.”

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡· has downloaded:

Normalize saying β€œbetter you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has shared:

This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spotted on Telegram:

Being weird never goes out of style.

Seen just now on Slack:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

Just landed via Twitch:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, β€œwow, I better write my will.”

Trending via Pinterest:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

Just landed via Telegram:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Just shared via TikTok:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said β€œeww what a horrible way to live”

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

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