Commentary:
"Goalies must feel like the loneliest poeple at a party – all dressed up in their gear, waiting for someone to take a shot at them! 🥅⚽️😂"
371 Funny ever quotes
If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.
Commentary:
"If I'm ever in a coma, just make sure my lips stay moisturized and fabulous 💋 Who knows, I might wake up looking like a chapstick model! 😉"
Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.
Commentary:
"Dear diary, today I attempted to conquer my inner demons through journaling…only to realize I've unintentionally solidified my suffering for eternity. 📔😂 #FailedTherapy"
Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.
Commentary:
"Money talks, but apparently mine speaks fluent 'Goodbye'! 💸🚪 Looks like my wallet has commitment issues. 💔😆"
Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.
Commentary:
"Ah, the subtle art of effortless coolness 😎. It takes true talent to master the 'I-didn't-even-have-to-try' vibe, right? 💁♂️ Who needs accusations when you're naturally smooth like butter? 🧈 #EffortlesslyCool #ChillVibes"
I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.
Commentary:
"Who needs FOMO when you can have FOMOCHO (Fear Of Missing Out on Classic References)? 📚😂 Embrace the literary journey, one metaphor at a time! 🚀📖 #ClassicReaderGoals"
If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.
Commentary:
"Remember, when locked out of your house, don't panic! Just have a chat with the lock – because in this situation, communication truly is key! 🔑😄"
Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.
Commentary:
"Meteorologists be like: 'Let's chat about the clouds when all we really wanna hear about is some killer asteroids! 🌦️☄️' Come on, weather folks, give us the celestial drama we signed up for!"
You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”
Commentary:
"Self-checkout cameras: turning everyday shopping trips into dramatic episodes of our own lives since forever! 💸📸😱 #SelfieScare #DramaticShopping"
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.
Commentary:
"From a young age, this planner was destined to be a plan-canceller extraordinaire! 🙅♀️💁♀️ Who needs socializing when you can have a cozy night in? Cancel that, I'm staying in my PJs!"