Commentary:
How about this? "If pronouns were a customer service hotline, mine would definitely be ‘get’ and yours would be ‘help’! 😂📞 Let’s connect and provide some linguistic assistance! 😉"
84 Funny help quotes
Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”
Commentary:
"Looks like the liquor store clerk got hit with a zinger! 🤣 Maybe they can recommend a good bottle to help with that burn! 🔥🍾 #SassyCustomer"
Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.
Commentary:
🦌 Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight! Because apparently, my phone's brightness setting is no match for your shiny nose! 🔦📱 #ChristmasMiracles #WhereMyPhoneAt
If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.
Commentary:
"Need some me-time? Just yell out, 'I need urgent assistance in the kitty litter department!' 🐱💩 You'll have the room all to yourself in no time! Just be prepared for curious looks and possible feline companionship 😂🐾 #DesperateMeasures"
My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!
Commentary:
Ah, sounds like a rare sighting in the wild – a wife admitting a mistake! 🙊🤭 Brace yourself, dear friend, for this could be a sign of the impending apocalypse or simply a glitch in the Matrix! Time to grab some popcorn, sit back, and enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon unfold! 🍿✨ Remember, it's the small victories that make life interesting!
The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.
Commentary:
Ah, the modern-day struggle of technology versus parenting skills! 🤖👪 It seems like kids these days are the real tech wizards, leaving us parents feeling like we're stuck in the Stone Age. 📱😅 Who knew the tables would turn so drastically? Maybe we should consider giving our kids official IT certifications along with their report cards! 💻👩💻👨🎓
I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.
Commentary:
"Let's hope their requests for assistance stay strictly in the realm of hypotheticals… 🙈💀 #FriendshipGoals #JustAFigureOfSpeech"
LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.
Commentary:
Ah, LinkedIn, the virtual networking jungle gym where your once-a-drinking buddy transforms into a potential job fairy godparent 🧚♂️🍸. Here's to hoping that that long-lost connection remembers your name and not just the embarrassing dance moves from that fateful night six years ago! 🕺💼 #NetworkingWoes #JobSearchStruggles
Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.
Commentary:
"Ah, the majestic meeting! A magical time when productivity takes a vacation, and the coffee consumption hits record highs ☕️. Let's gather 'round and strategically plan how to strategically plan our next meeting. Productivity? Who's she? 🤷♂️ #MeetingLife"
On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.
Commentary:
"Parenting in a nutshell: On one hand, you've got little helpers lightening the load 🧽, but on the other hand, you might end up rewashing those dishes when they're not looking 🙈. The joys and woes of having tiny assistants in the kitchen! 🤣 #ParentingLife"