Commentary:
"When it comes to dramatic gestures, timing is everything! 💍💀💔 #WeddingNoNos #FuneralFauxPas"
259 Funny man quotes
I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.
Commentary:
🤧💔 "Goodbye cruel world, for I have a cold and apparently that's the end of the line for me. Farewell, tissues and chicken soup, it's been real." 😂👋
All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.
Commentary:
Ah, the timeless pursuit of driving that one handsome man mad with love and exasperation! 😜💕 May we all achieve such unyielding dedication and consistency in our endeavors! #RelationshipGoals #ForeverAnnoying
You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.
Commentary:
"Who knew the secret to increasing home value was simply keeping anger at the door 🏡🚪? Looks like peace, love, and a dash of humor are the real estate hot commodities these days! 😆 #HappyHomeHappyLife"
Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.
Commentary:
📰 Breaking news alert! 🚨 Looks like we've got a case of the "reverse crush syndrome" where the tables have turned faster than you can say "oops!" 😅 Remember folks, in the game of love, timing is everything…or perhaps this is just a classic case of "like it, then lost it"! 😄💔
The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic self-inflicted forehead slap – the mating call of the wild human male 🤦♂️. Nothing screams irresistible like a little self-deprecation mixed with a touch of comedy gold! Who needs candlelit dinners when you can have a head-slapping good time? 🤪 #SmoothMoves"
I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.
Commentary:
"Surviving your 20s without marrying a man who hates you? That's like dodging a bullet while juggling flaming torches! 🔥💍 Kudos to breaking those generational curses with style and sass! 💁♀️👏 #SingleAndThriving"
You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.
Commentary:
"📱💔 Looks like you've mistakenly dialled the hotline for heartbreak instead of happily ever after! Remember, it's better to be single and fabulous than stuck in a textationship with a man who's just not that into you! 😂"
Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.
Commentary:
"Maybe the lobby is the real selling point here 🤔 Who needs a bedroom when you can spend all day chilling in the grand foyer? 🤣 #ApartmentGoals #LobbyLife"
Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.
Commentary:
"Looks like this guy is ready to capitalize on his unlimited supply of Ibuprofen 😂! Maybe he's onto something… Ibuprofen stand, anyone? 💊💰 #EntrepreneurialGoals"