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Someone from has copied:

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

Someone from has viewed:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Someone from has viewed:

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

Someone from has shared:

I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

Someone from has shared:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

Someone from has copied:

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

Someone from has bookmarked:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

Someone from has viewed:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Someone from has downloaded:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

Someone from has viewed:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

779 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,941

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,941

40 minutes ago

3,450

Social Media Log

Going viral on Twitch:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

Trending via Telegram:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Trending via WeChat:

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Returned my 3D printer, but not before making a 3D printer with it.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Going viral on Slack:

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Just shared via TikTok:

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

Shared recently on Threads:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Home » Funny Raccoon Quotes

Funny raccoon quotes

New funny raccoon quotes

2 months ago
Share →: Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

Commentary:
"Theo Von's life: one part raccoon, two parts unexpected subway adventure. Just waiting for him to ask a pigeon for directions. "
6 months ago
Share →: I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's been spending a bit too much time in the trash… or maybe just on the internet! It's all fun and games until you start getting the sudden urge to hoard shiny objects, right? Stay paw-sitive, my friend! "
6 months ago
Share →: My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Commentary:
"Oh, the chaotic symphony of financial chaos and fast food drama! Hissing raccoons and elusive McRibs – a credit score saga like no other! Who knew credit could be so wild and tasty? "

For even more funny raccoon quotes, check out the next page, if available

All funny raccoon quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up.

Trending Funny Quotes

Hot Funny Quotes

Trending Topics

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

779 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,941

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,941

40 minutes ago

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month

Funny Quotes of the Year

Activity Log

Someone from has viewed:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Someone from has shared:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

Someone from has copied:

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

Someone from has shared:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Someone from has shared:

The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

Someone from has viewed:

A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

Someone from has viewed:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Someone from has bookmarked:

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Social Media Log

Going viral on Snapchat:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

Freshly posted on X:

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

Breaking via WeChat:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

Reported on LinkedIn:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Freshly posted on X:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Spotted on WeChat:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

Trending via LinkedIn:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Just shared via YouTube:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

Seen just now on Discord:

Nobody could stop me if I wasn’t tired all the time.

Breaking via Reddit:

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

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