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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Why’d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

822 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,984

Funny Quotes Topics

13,927

Funny Quotes Images

10,984

Updated

56 minutes ago

Users Online

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Spotted on Instagram:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Seen just now on Messenger:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Trending via WeChat:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Going viral on TikTok:

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Spotted on Threads:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

Seen just now on Messenger:

On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.

Just shared via Telegram:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

822 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,984

Funny Quotes Topics

13,927

Funny Quotes Images

10,984

Updated

56 minutes ago

Users Online

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

You can tell a lot about a person by breaking into their home and going through their belongings.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

My secret talent is turning any situation into a considerably more awkward one.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Just landed via Discord:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

Live now on Threads:

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

Spreading quickly via X:

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

Making waves on Twitch:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Breaking via WeChat:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

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