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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Wrap it up!

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Oops, I think I’ve had a little too much to think.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Get in loser. We’re going on a guilt trip.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,742

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

Shared recently on Discord:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

Making waves on Threads:

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

Just shared via Snapchat:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Trending via LinkedIn:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Seen just now on Messenger:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

Funny squeeze quotes

Funny squeeze quotes are perfect for those moments when life gets a little tight but laughter makes everything better! 😂 Whether you’re feeling the pressure or just need a cheeky grin, these witty sayings will squeeze out the fun and brighten your day. 💥✨ Get ready to chuckle, giggle, and maybe even snort as humor squeezes its way into your heart! 🤪💬

New funny squeeze quotes 👇

All funny squeeze quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Threads this month:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

15 shares on Slack this month:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

88 shares on X this month:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The only thing that has grown faster than rents in recent years is the overtime we have to work to pay them.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

When intelligence meets empathy and kindness, it’s so sexy.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,281

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

The amount of sleeping I’ve done over the past few days has been phenomenal. I genuinely love doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here making love.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Making waves on TikTok:

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Spotted on TikTok:

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

Just shared via TikTok:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

Seen just now on Instagram:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s Wednesday.

Spotted on Twitch:

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

Just shared via Discord:

Female breasts are nature’s anti-stress balls. The irony is that they are connected to the biggest stress-inducing device.

Live now on Twitch:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Going viral on Threads:

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

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