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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,227

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

You used to calm me on my cell phone!

Just landed via Threads:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Trending via X:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Making waves on YouTube:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Going bananas on WeChat:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Funny squeeze quotes

Funny squeeze quotes are perfect for those moments when life gets a little tight but laughter makes everything better! 😂 Whether you’re feeling the pressure or just need a cheeky grin, these witty sayings will squeeze out the fun and brighten your day. 💥✨ Get ready to chuckle, giggle, and maybe even snort as humor squeezes its way into your heart! 🤪💬

New funny squeeze quotes 👇

All funny squeeze quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Reddit this month:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

55 shares on Slack this month:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

81 shares on Slack this month:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

49 shares on YouTube this month:

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

74 shares on X this month:

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

54 shares on Slack this month:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not dying, it’s just Monday.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,625

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

When you’re talking to someone and you can tell they’re trying out a new word.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

Just landed via X:

I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

Going viral on Facebook:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Spotted on Twitch:

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

Trending via Reddit:

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

Making waves on Instagram:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Trending via Slack:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Going viral on Reddit:

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

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