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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Y’all screenshot payment confirmations to make sure they don’t play with y’all too?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Wake me up when I’m rich!

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Imagine sex with me. No, not like that, you’re doing it all wrong!

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,757

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

Going bananas on X:

I put the “sexy” in “dyslexic.”

Breaking via YouTube:

My hair dryer is so powerful that it doubles as my leaf blower.

Just shared via Messenger:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Trending via Telegram:

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.

4 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about ghosting family members with a humorous, playful tone.

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Commentary:
"Why pick favorites when you can ignore everyone equally? 👻😆 #GhostLife"

believe, bro, communication, family, ghost, ghosting, humor, i, joke, me, personal, relationship, sarcasm, social, too

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Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Threads this month:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

36 shares on Threads this month:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

80 shares on Twitch this month:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

Going bananas on YouTube:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Just landed via Slack:

Nothing humbles you faster than rereading something you were proud of yesterday.

Trending via Facebook:

Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

Making waves on WeChat:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

Just landed via Reddit:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m broke in Monopoly, and my husband just asked if I want to earn $100.

Live now on TikTok:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.

Keep the laugh going 😂

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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