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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,306

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

Shared recently on X:

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

Trending via Discord:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Seen just now on Twitch:

Parents be like “Boys are easier,” and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Going viral on Pinterest:

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

Spotted on Reddit:

Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

Spotted on Snapchat:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Seen just now on Slack:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

I just found out I have to go on dates to get a boyfriend. I’m sick to my stomach.

5 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny text about dating struggles, expressing comic discomfort with the idea of dating.

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Commentary:
Dating: the only time stomach butterflies are both romantic and a symptom of illness 🤦‍♀️🦋

anxiety, boyfriend, date, dating, dating anxiety, expectation, found, humor, i, just, life, love, relationship, sick, single, single life, social, social expectation, stomach

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Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Twitch this month:

Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

Grok, is this true? Grok, am I original? Grok, am I the only one? Grok, am I sexual?

62 shares on Messenger this month:

I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

75 shares on Discord this month:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Please hesitate to reach out.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

It’s like my wish isn’t even your command anymore…

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

Just landed via Telegram:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

Going bananas on Threads:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Just landed via X:

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

Just shared via YouTube:

What’s a beginner question to ask for someone just getting into being nosy?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I just found out I have to go on dates to get a boyfriend. I’m sick to my stomach.

I’m at that point on a Monday where no.

We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I just found out I have to go on dates to get a boyfriend. I’m sick to my stomach.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m at that point on a Monday where no.

We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨