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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I hate when I’m trying to spell a word, and my phone can’t do it either.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Seen just now on Slack:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Twitter will always be your best app if you’re single, funny, or just depressed.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

Freshly posted on X:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Making waves on Messenger:

Using Twitter as a semi-vague posting journal for memory purposes.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

Trending via Pinterest:

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

I just found out I have to go on dates to get a boyfriend. I’m sick to my stomach.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny text about dating struggles, expressing comic discomfort with the idea of dating.

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Commentary:
Dating: the only time stomach butterflies are both romantic and a symptom of illness 🤦‍♀️🦋

anxiety, boyfriend, date, dating, dating anxiety, expectation, found, humor, i, just, life, love, relationship, sick, single, single life, social, social expectation, stomach

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Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Threads this month:

Call me Frankenstein the way I’m piecing it together.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

74 shares on X this month:

Guys will say, “I know a spot,” and then take you on a downward spiral.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

That friend who asks too many personal questions? He’s not concerned. He’s collecting.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

98 shares on X this month:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

73 shares on Telegram this month:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Popping your head in the cockpit and saying, “Anywhere here will do, chief.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I withdraw my argument. I didn’t realize you had a meme to back you up.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Live now on Instagram:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Ever since I was young, I knew I wanted to be online nonstop.

Just landed via X:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

Freshly posted on X:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Just landed via Twitch:

Do you all introverts ever open a text and think, ‘I’ll reply when I have the energy,’ and then it’s three weeks, and you have to live with the guilt of being a horrible friend.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Just landed via Discord:

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

Freshly posted on Threads:

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

Going viral on Slack:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

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Activity Log ✨

I just found out I have to go on dates to get a boyfriend. I’m sick to my stomach.

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Nobody declines a call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I just found out I have to go on dates to get a boyfriend. I’m sick to my stomach.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Nobody declines a call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨