Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Mister Sandman, bring me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit that I’ve ever seen.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,581

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Just shared via Telegram:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Seen just now on Discord:

Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

Spotted on Reddit:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Due to unforeskin circumcistances …

Seen just now on Messenger:

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect mix of a book club and a plot twist! 📚😈

book, desire, humor, i, intimacy, just, me, read, reading, relationship, silence, someone, sometimes, things, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

0

1 week ago

burger, Burger King, childhood, childhood nostalgia, disappearance, disappearing, fast, fast food, food, forest, going, Grinch, Grinch meal, humor, king, McDonald’s, meal, nostalgia, Spongebob, Spongebob meal, twenty
If you’re going through hell, keep going.

0

2 months ago

determination, going, hell, keep, keep going, motivation, perseverance, resilience, struggle
Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

0

2 months ago

better, call, calls, driving, eating, entertainment, everything, music, Netflix, night, phone, phone call, shower, vibe, watching, why
So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

0

2 months ago

ball, frustration, humor, me, mean, miscommunication, people, stress, stress ball, tell, throwing
It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

0

2 months ago

animal, bear, bears, climate, exaggeration, hot, humor, ice, ice bear, joke, lemonade, lemonade stand, opening, stand, summer, weather
My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

0

2 months ago

behavior, dogs, f-word, floor, food, hear, humor, kitchen, pet, pet behavior

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Discord this month:

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

15 shares on Facebook this month:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

39 shares on Slack this month:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

Spotted on Threads:

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Making waves on X:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Spotted on Discord:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

Live now on Telegram:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨