I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

73 shares on Threads this month:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.