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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,413

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Making waves on YouTube:

In Hell, “Cotton Eye Joe” plays on an eternal loop. The heat and fire are actually pleasant compared to that.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Spotted on WeChat:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Freshly posted on X:

I got my superpowers when I was bitten by a radioactive idiot.

Spotted on Reddit:

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Trending via Snapchat:

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

Making waves on Instagram:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

Making waves on Telegram:

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

3 weeks ago

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Heat me up and let's hope I don't explode like last time! 🔥😅🍽️

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11 shares on X this month:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

97 shares on Twitch this month:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

10 shares on Twitch this month:

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favourite thing about waking up at ridiculous o’clock is the solitude.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I hate being a wage slave. I want to be a streamer that does nothing but react to videos all day, and then complain about how hard my life is.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Countries are just gangs with paperwork.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Life begins when you can afford it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

Trending via Threads:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Spotted on Threads:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My signature move is always learning my lessons the hard way.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Just shared via TikTok:

If the only person you’re competing with is yourself, how could you lose?

Shared recently on Instagram:

I withdraw my argument. I didn’t realize you had a meme to back you up.

Just shared via TikTok:

Naps hit different when you’re using them to avoid being alive.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

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Activity Log ✨

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

I could low-key really use a wish right now.

Alexa, mute my children.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

I could low-key really use a wish right now.

Alexa, mute my children.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨