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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I’ll never salute you, General Settings.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Shared recently on Threads:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Seen just now on Twitch:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

Just landed via Threads:

I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Men love to show you a YouTube video. It is a sign of deep respect in their culture.

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote humorously comparing oneself to a microwave dinner—quick, unpolished, but tempting in a pinch.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Heat me up and let's hope I don't explode like last time! 🔥😅🍽️

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34 shares on Threads this month:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

60 shares on Reddit this month:

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

92 shares on Threads this month:

Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

Just shared via X:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

Live now on LinkedIn:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

Making waves on Messenger:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Broadcasted on Discord:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

Going viral on Reddit:

Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

Live now on WeChat:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Just shared via Messenger:

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Why do I gotta dress for success? Maybe success could be the one who puts a little more into this relationship.

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Activity Log ✨

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

Do you think Yoda says “7-6” instead?

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

Do you think Yoda says “7-6” instead?

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨