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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Apparently, throwing the remote against the wall didn’t help recharging the batteries.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

4,069

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Live now on Telegram:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Trending via Reddit:

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

Spotted on Reddit:

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
"When your relationship status is 'CEO of Small Talk Evasion' 😅🚪🏃‍♀️"

boyfriend, conversation, escape, everyone, humor, i, interaction, jealousy, planning, relationship, silence, social, social interaction, stand, while

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

1 month ago
banter, confusion, girlfriend, humor, just, me, misunderstanding, playful, playful banter, relationship, whatever
Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

1 month ago
attire, day, every, fitness, humor, joke, just, personal, personal trainer, shorts, trainer, want, wear, work, workplace
Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

1 month ago
fun, humor, insomnia, night, overthinking, procrastination, sleep, stay, thoughts
Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

1 month ago
awkward, awkward situation, buy, care, complete, deodorant, gift, give, humor, i, just, me, need, never, people, personal, personal care, situation, sometimes, strangers
Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

1 month ago
asked, autumn, civilization, collapse, fall, humor, i, me, meant, misunderstanding, moment, plans, realize, sarcasm, seasonal, someone
All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

1 month ago
cat, dog, fired, job, lazy, spend, think, time

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

Live now on Twitch:

I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

Just landed via Instagram:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

Making waves on Messenger:

You should be allowed to go home early from work if you miss your dog a lot.

Spotted on Discord:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Just shared via Threads:

Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.

Going viral on Messenger:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

The shitshow must go on.

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

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My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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