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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Unfortunately, forcing myself to take out the garbage, wash dishes, do a load of laundry, and vacuum has improved my mental health tenfold.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Just shared via Snapchat:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Shared recently on Messenger:

One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you have a favorite stove burner.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

Going viral on Twitch:

Every man learns for himself the uselessness of owning an iPad.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

Going viral on Instagram:

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

Trending via TikTok:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Clever and funny quote about family dynamics and surprise parties.

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Commentary:
Looks like your twin won the secret sibling lottery! 🎉🎈😂

asked, birthday, birthday party, brother, favorite, hand, i, invitation, me, mom, party, realization, surprise, surprise party, twin

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Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on YouTube this month:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

24 shares on X this month:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

27 shares on X this month:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

67 shares on Twitch this month:

I came, I saw, I took a selfie as proof that I came and saw.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

32 shares on Discord this month:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I wasn’t planning on moving, but I was just invited to the neighborhood fall potluck, so I guess now I have no choice.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

Shared recently on Twitch:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

Trending via WeChat:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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