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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I probably think this song is about me.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,586

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

Making waves on Instagram:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Spotted on Facebook:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Spotted on Reddit:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

Spotted on Reddit:

Christmas lights: the only thing bright around here besides my personality.

Spotted on Instagram:

God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.

Seen just now on X:

According to the BMI chart, I am too short.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Going viral on Facebook:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Trending via YouTube:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

7 days ago

Funny Quotes

Clever and funny quote about family dynamics and surprise parties.

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Commentary:
Looks like your twin won the secret sibling lottery! 🎉🎈😂

asked, birthday, birthday party, brother, favorite, hand, i, invitation, me, mom, party, realization, surprise, surprise party, twin

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19 shares on Threads this month:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Bob was hungry. He ripped open a new bag of tortillas only to discover a convenient, resealable opening on the other end.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

The thing I bought on Etsy in 2017 has shipped.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I’m so bored of being bored, because being bored is really boring.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I remember sex. That was cool.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

Making waves on Snapchat:

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Trending via WeChat:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

Going viral on Discord:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

Just shared via WeChat:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

Just landed via Telegram:

“Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

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Activity Log ✨

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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