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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I hope this email kills us both.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Always funny to see motivational posts from people I know are toxic in real life.

Making waves on Messenger:

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Making waves on Messenger:

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

Going viral on Twitch:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Spotted on Reddit:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

But that was my emotional support daylight.

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about avoiding therapy after reading people's dramatic posts.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"😂 Just realized my calling might be therapist avoidance instead! 🏃‍♂️💨 #EmotionalEscapeArtist"

comedy, frustration, guys, health, humor, i, media, mental, mental health, mess, nothing, posts, problems, psychology, read, social, social media, therapist, want, wanted

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35 shares on Snapchat this month:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life.

78 shares on Discord this month:

Body by sandwich.

45 shares on X this month:

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t forget, you are someone’s weird colleague.

68 shares on Discord this month:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I’m saving myself for my vibrator.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to stay up all night.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Spotted on Threads:

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

Spotted on Twitch:

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

Making waves on Snapchat:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

Trending via Telegram:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Making waves on Threads:

The art of letting whoever think whatever.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Dudes get a MacBook, and all of a sudden, they got work to do in public places.

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Activity Log ✨

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

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Activity Log ✨

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

Keep the laugh going 😂

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

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