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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Once this pandemic ends, I’m legit quitting video games and getting a girlfriend for real.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,672

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

Live now on YouTube:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Broadcasted on Slack:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Just shared via X:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Spotted on WeChat:

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

Just landed via Twitch:

Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Trending via Messenger:

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about pleasure and hand antics with playful, witty wording.

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Commentary:
"That's one way to keep those hands busy! 😂🥪✋👋"

adult, comedy, double, double entendre, entendre, good, hand, humor, innuendo, joke, left, making, masturbation, playful, right, sandwich, sex

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Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on TikTok this month:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

63 shares on Discord this month:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

100 shares on X this month:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

41 shares on X this month:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Can we change the phrase “Can I be frank with you” to “Can I be william with you”? I don’t want to be Frank.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Just shared via Snapchat:

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Going viral on Slack:

What, and I cannot stress this enough, day is it.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Just landed via Messenger:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Going viral on Discord:

Sorry, I’m late. I was pumping up the jam.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

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Activity Log ✨

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

My favourite thing about waking up at ridiculous o’clock is the solitude.

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My favourite thing about waking up at ridiculous o’clock is the solitude.

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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