Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,740

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Nobody lures you into a gingerbread house in the forest anymore.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Freshly posted on X:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Breaking via Facebook:

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

Just shared via Twitch:

Everything’s under control. I just don’t know whose.

Trending via Discord:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

8 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about avoiding conversations, expressing introverted reluctance with wit.

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Commentary:
When social batteries run low, I just set them to airplane mode! ✈️🔋🙅‍♂️

anxiety, apology, back, communication, humor, i, interaction, introvert, people, social, social anxiety, social interaction, sorry, talking, text, texting

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90 shares on Pinterest this month:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

50 shares on Discord this month:

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

64 shares on X this month:

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

Going viral on Slack:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Trending via Telegram:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Trending via Twitch:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you are lonely any more.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom.

Spotted on Twitch:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Breaking via Twitch:

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

Just shared via Messenger:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

Shared recently on Twitch:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

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Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨