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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Since you’re all so in love, switch phones for Valentine’s Day!

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Being a reader means voluntarily signing up for fictional heartbreak, and then recommending the pain to others.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,465

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Live now on Slack:

Just in case you don’t know, it’s “piqued” your interest, not “peaked”.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Jump to recipe is the closest thing we have to teleportation.

Going bananas on Slack:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Making waves on Threads:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

Trending via Twitch:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Going viral on Reddit:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about avoiding conversations, expressing introverted reluctance with wit.

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Commentary:
When social batteries run low, I just set them to airplane mode! ✈️🔋🙅‍♂️

anxiety, apology, back, communication, humor, i, interaction, introvert, people, social, social anxiety, social interaction, sorry, talking, text, texting

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Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

59 shares on Discord this month:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

99 shares on Threads this month:

Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

My favourite thing about waking up at ridiculous o’clock is the solitude.

62 shares on Slack this month:

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

19 shares on X this month:

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

No ChatGPT for me, thanks. I will be asking Liam Gallagher on Twitter.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

The amount of sleeping I’ve done over the past few days has been phenomenal. I genuinely love doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

We need an app where introverts can pay extroverts to make phone calls for them.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Getting road rage alone in my house.

Spotted on Discord:

What an embarrassing time to be alive.

Going viral on Messenger:

Get off the apps. Sleep with someone in your friend group. Add an awkward tension every time you hang out with them.

Shared recently on Threads:

“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

Seen just now on Slack:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Shared recently on Telegram:

Funny that all this nonsense just stayed in people’s heads before Twitter came along.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

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Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Always funny to see motivational posts from people I know are toxic in real life.

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨