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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Parents will give you a lecture about fake friends and then get scammed by their own siblings.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

615 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,208

Funny Quotes Topics

17,340

Funny Quotes Images

15,208

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,599

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

Making waves on Instagram:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

Seen just now on YouTube:

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

Making waves on YouTube:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

Going viral on WeChat:

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

Just landed via Instagram:

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

Spotted on WeChat:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

3 days ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Guess I need to find a cute pet for my new profile pic! 🐶🌸😹"

cat, cats, certain, change, dog, dogs, flower, flowers, humor, media, notice, picture, pictures, profile, profile picture, social, social media, stereotype, weight, woman, women

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

0

2 months ago

bag, choose, drunken, drunken panda, fine, fine motor skills, gift, gift bag, gift giving, giving, humor, i, just, laziness, motor, Panda, skills, wrapping
Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, anyone, avoidance, hope, house, i, introvert, leaving, me, social, social anxiety
Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

0

2 months ago

care, comfort, home, humor, i, relaxation, self-acceptance, ugly
The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

0

2 months ago

being, breakfast, cheesecake, dessert, excuse, food, humor, indulgence, morning, only, thing
I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

0

2 months ago

analogy, avocado, food, fruit, humor, i, impatience, patience, ripe
He took my last fry, your honor.

0

2 months ago

court, food, fry, honor, humor, last, snack, theft

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Instagram this month:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

66 shares on Threads this month:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

49 shares on Twitch this month:

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

65 shares on X this month:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Life is too short, and death is too long.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

Going viral on X:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

Making waves on WeChat:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

He took my last fry, your honor.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨