Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Happiness is an inside job.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,522

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

Breaking via Reddit:

Mashed potatoes are just German guacamole.

Trending via WeChat:

There’s a Marie Antoinette feeling in the air.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to explain to my boss why I need a break to strategize my snack heists, but they’re just not nibbling… 🥨🥷⌛

addiction, addiction humor, break, break time, breaks, cook, every, gambling, give, hour, humor, i, job, job break, jobs, minutes, only, parlay, should, smoking, time, why, work, work humor

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

0

2 months ago

attempt, bad, embarrassing, embarrassment, failure, humor, motivation, success
A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal humor, bird, comedy, dead, door, embarrassed, event, flew, funny moment, glass, glass door, humor, just, moment, nature, unexpected, unexpected event
You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

0

4 months ago

armor, armour, humor, insult, just, knight, shining, under, Under Armour, wordplay
What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

0

2 months ago

career, good, humor, job, motivation, people, self-deprecation, talent
I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

0

2 months ago

grandkids, hoping, humor, i, joke, kids, parenting, science, want, wish
Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

0

2 months ago

am, boss, command, conversation, driver, driving, humor, i, job, joke, left, love, me, navigation, nobody, own, said, taxi, taxi driver, today, turn

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

97 shares on Discord this month:

Does bisexual mean twice as sexual or once every other sexual?

34 shares on Reddit this month:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

97 shares on Slack this month:

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

Spotted on Instagram:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Spotted on Messenger:

Wake up, the thinking isn’t going to overthink itself.

Going viral on Threads:

Some people buy shoes to feel alive. I buy boarding passes.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The world started without permission again.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

Shared recently on Facebook:

Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

First you’re cringe, then you’re the blueprint.

Going bananas on WeChat:

If you breakdance you buy dance.

Going viral on Twitch:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨