Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,660

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

Going viral on Reddit:

God knew I’d be too powerful if He made me not annoying to women.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Going viral on Reddit:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

Going viral on Threads:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

Spotted on X:

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Shared recently on Facebook:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

1 month ago

Humorous text about the urgency of peeing, playful and relatable for adults over 35.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Pee-parations are key to an active social life! 🚽😅🚻

35, advice, age, aging, bathroom, before, better, bladder, funny advice, health, humor, leave, over, pee, routine, while

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Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Twitch this month:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

18 shares on Twitch this month:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

54 shares on X this month:

Adding “scroll for two hours” to my To-Do list, so I won’t do it.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

86 shares on Discord this month:

Practicing how I’m gonna explain to the aliens that baseline and Vaseline do not sound the same.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Life is really sucking the life out of me.

Just landed via Telegram:

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

Spotted on Discord:

Unfortunately, when you don’t burden people with your problems, they assume you don’t have any. Lol.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Breaking via TikTok:

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

Making waves on YouTube:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨