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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Stay up till 4 a.m. one night, and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,697

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Just shared via X:

The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.

Going viral on Threads:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Spotted on Slack:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait.

Going viral on Slack:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

Spotted on TikTok:

If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
When dinosaurs RSVP "absolutely not" to coverage! 🦖📞🤢

adjuster, call, comedy, dinosaur, disaster, end, every, getting, humor, insurance, insurance adjuster, jurassic, Jurassic Park, movie, park, phone, phone call, reaction, should, throwing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

2 months ago

appearance, camera, failure, humor, me, project, science, selfie
I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

2 months ago

AirTag, health, humor, i, mental, mental health, put, sanity, technology, tracking, wish
Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

4 months ago

addiction, better, comparison, health, humor, media, phone, smoking, technology, television, vaping, vs
Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

2 months ago

alarm, blast, car, car alarm, everyone, humor, knows, making, name, night, should, sound
No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

2 months ago

am, employment, humor, i, job, LinkedIn, open, required, sarcasm, work
Hugging helps break the tension with strangers in elevators.

2 months ago

break, break the ice, elevator, hugging, humor, ice, interaction, social, social interaction, strangers, tension

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on WeChat this month:

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

13 shares on Slack this month:

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I was dropped as an adult.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

34 shares on X this month:

Totally forgot my demands now that I’ve strapped this ticking bomb to my chest.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

My love language is deader than Latin.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

Making waves on WeChat:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Going viral on Messenger:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Spotted on Threads:

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Just shared via WeChat:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Spotted on Telegram:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Delightful if true: booby trap.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

Hugging helps break the tension with strangers in elevators.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨