Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

You’ll be having a good day and then someone your age says they’re buying a house.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Apparently I lack empathy, according to some stupid cow in HR.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,851

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

Spotted on Snapchat:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

Going viral on Messenger:

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

Just shared via Messenger:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

Spotted on Telegram:

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
When dinosaurs RSVP "absolutely not" to coverage! 🦖📞🤢

adjuster, call, comedy, dinosaur, disaster, end, every, getting, humor, insurance, insurance adjuster, jurassic, Jurassic Park, movie, park, phone, phone call, reaction, should, throwing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A Monday every week is excessive.

0

2 months ago

every, excessive, humor, Monday, week
Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

0

1 month ago

activity, animated, catchphrase, dabba, doo, Flintstones, humorous, Saturday, start, used, weekend, weekend activity, yabba, Yabba dabba doo
Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

0

5 months ago

cosmos, mystery, nobody, question, questioning, quietness, silence, space, why
All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

0

1 month ago

activity, choice, fattening, fun, fun activity, guilty, guilty pleasure, humor, illegal, immoral, indulgence, lifestyle, personal, personal choice, pleasure, things
Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

0

1 month ago

confidence, fun, good, happen, happiness, humor, naked, positivity, smile, things
I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

0

1 month ago

ask, depot, funny moment, high, home, Home Depot, hose, humor, i, know, laugh, moment, right, shopping, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on YouTube this month:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

87 shares on Twitch this month:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

99 shares on Messenger this month:

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

100 shares on Slack this month:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that cake is in the fridge.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Most people don’t listen at all, they just wait until they can continue talking.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

Making waves on Threads:

Leggings: elegant for some, elephant for others.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Live now on Threads:

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Live now on Slack:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

A Monday every week is excessive.

Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨