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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ό has shared:

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ή has shared:

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡» has bookmarked:

The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ή has viewed:

Changed my bio on bumble to β€œI’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡» has viewed:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has copied:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ί has viewed:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΅ has copied:

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,473

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via Reddit:

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Making waves on Reddit:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Just landed via X:

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says “Smell this,” it usually smells nice.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Spotted on Slack:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

Seen just now on Instagram:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

Trending via YouTube:

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Funny audiobook quotes

Funny audiobook quotes bring a whole new level of laughter to your listening experience πŸŽ§πŸ˜‚ Whether you’re on a road trip or chilling at home, these hilarious lines keep the giggles coming nonstop πŸ€£πŸ“š Ready to brighten your day with wit and charm? Let’s dive into the funniest moments that make audiobooks impossible to pause! πŸŽ‰πŸŽ™οΈ

New funny audiobook quotes πŸ‘‡

All funny audiobook quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes πŸ‘Œ

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on X this month:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

100 shares on Slack this month:

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

82 shares on YouTube this month:

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere?

49 shares on Threads this month:

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

94 shares on Threads this month:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in β€œgood health” but in β€œgood health for your age”.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I did not β€œtry to rob a bank,” I just β€œaspired” to obtain more money.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Will probably never be loved, but I have to send emails, so I can’t really think about that right now.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,446

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡· has viewed:

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ί has copied:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬ has viewed:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡· has viewed:

“Unavailable” is my favorite state to be in.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡» has viewed:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΅ has bookmarked:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ή has copied:

Job hunting has legitimately been the most demoralizing experience of my life. Nothing else will make you realize how little you can actually do.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡» has viewed:

Nicole Kidman being in a film called Babygirl is actually perfect cause it’s like another version of her last name.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via Pinterest:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Broadcasted on X:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Going bananas on Slack:

Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

Spotted on Slack:

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

Broadcasted on Slack:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

Live now on Slack:

β€œWhat do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

Trending via Twitch:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

Just shared via X:

Whoever first said, β€œI’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

Trending via X:

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

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