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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Sometimes I wish I was a millennial, so I could talk about sex with my friends.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I can’t wait for the “international law” crowd to discover that “human rights” aren’t real, either.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,615

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Just shared via YouTube:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

Making waves on WeChat:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Breaking via Telegram:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Going viral on Facebook:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

Live now on X:

Maybe Rome was built in a day. I wasn’t there.

Live now on WhatsApp:

A.I. should be forced to wait tables before it’s allowed to make art.

Funny badass quotes

Funny badass quotes are the perfect mix of wit and attitude 😎🔥, turning everyday moments into legendary comebacks. Whether you’re feeling sassy, confident, or just want to crack a smile 😏😂, these quotes pack a punch with humor and swagger. Ready to boost your vibe and unleash your inner boss? Let’s dive into some words that slap with style and make you feel unstoppable 💥💬!

New funny badass quotes 👇

All funny badass quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Twitch this month:

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

50 shares on X this month:

Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

44 shares on Threads this month:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The grass isn’t really greener over there; that’s just a filter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,644

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Another day of meaningless suffering. Let’s see what awaits us tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Making waves on WeChat:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

Spotted on Telegram:

Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Breaking via YouTube:

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

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