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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

6 hours ago

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Just landed via Reddit:

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

Spotted on Reddit:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

Live now on LinkedIn:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

Just shared via WeChat:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

Making waves on YouTube:

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

Home » Funny Choke Quotes

Funny choke quotes

New funny choke quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Commentary:
Ah, yes, the infamous staff meeting that no one dares to forget! 😂 Darth Vader really showed his true management style with that forceful display of frustration. It seems like the dark side of the Force wasn't just about battling Jedi, but also about dealing with difficult colleagues. 🌌💼 May the HR department be with you!
6 months ago
Share →: Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

Commentary:
"Who knew gummy bears could be so deadly? 🐻😂 Just watch out for those sneaky sugar-coated killers! Death by bear attack… of the candy variety. 🍬💀 #SweetToothGoneWrong"

For even more funny choke quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny choke quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

6 hours ago

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

The mattress in the guest room was perfectly fine until I had to sleep on it once.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I like smoke and lightning, your honor, heavy metal thunder, racing with the wind. You know that feeling I am under.

Spotted on Instagram:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Just landed via Discord:

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

Making waves on WeChat:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Just shared via Discord:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Reported on Pinterest:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

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