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Share →: I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

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"Farewell, brave warrior. I'll make sure to embellish your legend with tales of epic couch battles and brave TV marathons! 🛋️📺😂 #ManColdHero"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

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Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

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Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

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Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

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I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

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Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

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I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

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The future is buffering.

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I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

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Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

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Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

Seen just now on Discord:

Tell your dog I said woof woof.

Live now on Threads:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Live now on Discord:

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Broadcasted on Twitch:

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

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My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Life is weird and then you die.

Reported on Slack:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

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Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

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You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

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Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

No amount of daylight can save us.

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

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If every day is a gift, today is socks.

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

“Lmao” has survived and even thrived over the years, but its cousin “rofl” has faded into indignity. The cruelty of fate.

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

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