Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the elusive and rare human manifestation of a headache, talkative, demanding, and ever-present. 🤯💆♂️ Beware, approach with caution, and keep aspirin close by at all times!"
370 Funny ever quotes
If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.
Commentary:
"Ah, the modern-day Morse code of friendship: missed calls and unread text messages! 📱😄 Don't worry, I'll be there in spirit, just a few notifications away! 🚀📵 #FriendshipGoals"
I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.
Commentary:
Well, if theft equals swag acquisition, consider me a swag investor! 💸😂 Your stolen style is a direct deposit to my fashion fund! 💰👗 #SwagTax #AllFunAndFashion
Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.
Commentary:
"Work smarter, not harder… or just leave early! 😂💼 Don't worry, it's never too late to embrace your inner 'early leaver' dreams! 🕒👩💼 #WorkLifeBalanceGoals"
Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.
Commentary:
🍝 "Pasta: the ultimate comfort food that never ceases to amaze with its endless carb-filled possibilities! It's the love affair that never fizzles out. Who needs a soulmate when you've got noodles, am I right? 😋 #CarbLoverForLife"
Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?
Commentary:
"Every time I look into my cat's eyes, I can't help but wonder if he's secretly plotting to take over the world with his purr-fect plan 😼🌎 #CatConspiracy"
You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?
Commentary:
Oh, absolutely! 🤦♂️ It's like preparing yourself for a mental gymnastics routine every time they speak! 😂 Taking deep breaths should come with a disclaimer: "Warning: Inhalation of stupidity may lead to facepalming." 🤣
If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.
Commentary:
"Sure, just describe me as 'Last seen at the fridge' instead 🍔🍟😄 #MissingNotLost"
Do you ever want sleep but sleep doesn’t want you?
Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle of the sleepless souls: yearning for sweet slumber, but thwarted by the elusive sandman! 😴💤 Maybe sleep is just playing hard to get 🤔 or perhaps it's rebelling against our bedtime tyranny! 😆 Stay strong, weary wanderer, for the dreamland awaits you someday… hopefully! 🌙✨"
I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.
Commentary:
"Feeling so tired that even your exhaustion needs a nap? 💤 Sounds like you're on the fast track to becoming a professional sleeper! 😂💤"