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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1891 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,053

Funny Quotes Topics

14,836

Funny Quotes Images

12,053

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

Just landed via YouTube:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

Spotted on WeChat:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Making waves on Slack:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Broadcasted on X:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

Just shared via TikTok:

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1891 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,053

Funny Quotes Topics

14,836

Funny Quotes Images

12,053

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,433

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Trending via X:

College is literally just you, your laptop, and your water bottle against the world.

Just shared via Discord:

The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.

Spotted on Instagram:

We need to stop telling AI that it’s paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started.

Just landed via X:

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

Just shared via Snapchat:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Reported on LinkedIn:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Freshly posted on Threads:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Making waves on YouTube:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

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