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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

People in their late 20s and early 30s are like “this is my emotional support trip to Japan.”

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,482

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

If we breakup because you “wanna focus on school,” I better see you in Harvard.

Trending via Discord:

I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

Spotted on X:

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

University is more like teaching yourself for a class you paid for.

Just landed via Discord:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

Just landed via Reddit:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Funny fastest quotes

Funny fastest quotes zoom into your day with a burst of laughter and speed! 🚀💨 Whether you’re racing through life or just late for coffee ☕️, these witty words will have you giggling in the fast lane. Ready to sprint through some clever, speedy humor? Buckle up and enjoy the ride! 😂🏁

New funny fastest quotes 👇

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

4 weeks ago

Aristotle, believe, fastest, humor, i, kids, laughter, once, parenting, screaming, start, stop
This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

4 weeks ago

December, fastest, history, humor, time
I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

4 weeks ago

achievement, fact, fastest, humor, i, just, lazy, life, recovering, self-deprecation, sperm, still, used
The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

1 month ago

Earth, fastest, humor, internet, mammal, sarcasm, smartass, web, wit
You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

1 month ago

delivery, doorstep, fastest, fastest person, humor, joke, man, paid, pay, payment, person, pricing, street, theft, unexpected

All funny fastest quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Threads this month:

Fun fact: sexual tension is more fun than the sex itself.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

88 shares on YouTube this month:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

75 shares on Slack this month:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Life is like a game of chess. I don’t enjoy it very much.

86 shares on Threads this month:

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Do you ever eat a properly salted meal and suddenly understand why the ancient Romans were willing to be paid in salt?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Haunted house idea: a poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since high school.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Uber Eats “you forgot to finish your order” notification is funny because I didn’t forget, I just came to my senses.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,339

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

In my culture, family is completely unimportant. And we hate food.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I don’t call them exes, I call them whys.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

Making waves on Messenger:

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

Spotted on Messenger:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.

Trending via Threads:

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

Just shared via YouTube:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

Going bananas on X:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Trending via Slack:

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

Breaking via Instagram:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

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