Commentary:
When the stars are like, "It's not procrastination, it's cosmic alignment!" ✨🔮🙃
14856 Funny humor quotes
Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.
Commentary:
Oh, so my true self is a protective food ninja! 🥷🍽️😂
Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.
Commentary:
When you like someone, flirting suddenly turns into a game of charades, and you're losing 🎭🙈
Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.
Commentary:
Sounds like it's time to unleash your inner action hero! 😎🍿💥
Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.
Commentary:
This has my voice, but not my actions! Misunderstood superhero in disguise! 🦸♂️🗣️
I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.
Commentary:
Entering the emotional trenches again, I see! 🍿🤣💔
“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.
Commentary:
Wonder if heaven's prosecutor gets paid in good karma or just really nice hugs 😂👼⚖️
Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.
Commentary:
Sounds like someone's about to either redecorate or re-evaluate 🎲🪑😆
I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.
Commentary:
Drowning my responsibilities one drink at a time! 🍹😂
My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.
Commentary:
"Story of my life! Who knew weeks had so many surprise sequels? 😅📆"