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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

The problem with salad is, it’s salad.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,293

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

Making waves on Messenger:

If overthinking burned calories, I’d never need to exercise again.

Just shared via Instagram:

Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

“I’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

Trending via YouTube:

In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

Just shared via TikTok:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Spotted on YouTube:

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

Funny opener quotes

Funny opener quotes are the ultimate icebreakers 😂✨ Whether you’re starting a speech, a text, or just want to lighten the mood, these witty one-liners bring the giggles and good vibes right away 🎉😄 Get ready to charm your audience and spark some smiles with a perfect blend of humor and cleverness! 🚀🎈

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All funny opener quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Threads this month:

What happened to the art of just liking one person?

17 shares on Twitch this month:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

72 shares on Slack this month:

The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Back to the Future and chill?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,750

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Wild Friday night, and by wild, I mean me and the other psychopaths at the gym.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Ever since I was young, I knew I wanted to be online nonstop.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

Just landed via Twitch:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

Spotted on Messenger:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Trending via WeChat:

Any day now, there will be a child born and named Labubu.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

Going viral on WeChat:

Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

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