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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Well, at least my cat is supportive of me doing less and laying around more.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Jan 7, 2026

3,265

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Just shared via Instagram:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Seen just now on Threads:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Making waves on X:

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Making waves on Telegram:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

Shared recently on Facebook:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

Funny opener quotes

Funny opener quotes are the ultimate icebreakers 😂✨ Whether you’re starting a speech, a text, or just want to lighten the mood, these witty one-liners bring the giggles and good vibes right away 🎉😄 Get ready to charm your audience and spark some smiles with a perfect blend of humor and cleverness! 🚀🎈

New funny opener quotes 👇

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

0

2 months ago

am, bother, bothering, communication, dropped, email, humor, i, interest, just, new, opener

Someone from 🇭🇷 has recently copied this quote.

59 shares on Discord this month.
Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

0

2 months ago

actually, can opener, cool, ever, everyday, everyday life, humor, kitchen, kitchen tool, life, opener, practicality, relationship, sex, tool, works

Someone from 🇲🇳 has recently copied this quote.

106 shares on Threads this month.

All funny opener quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Facebook this month:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

73 shares on Discord this month:

The fact Head and Shoulders doesn’t have a body wash called Knees and Toes, is disappointing.

81 shares on YouTube this month:

Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone that’s in a bad mood.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I will play my favorite song until the artist comes out of my phone to ask for water.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,601

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Social media is mental suicide.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, “Did I take this already?”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

My playlist so bipolar. We either in love, depressed, or gang members.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

Just shared via Discord:

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Why do boys never buy the Pro Max iPhones? I swear it’s only girls with big phones.

Shared recently on X:

Desperately searching the dating app settings for an option to turn down the difficulty level.

Seen just now on Discord:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Spotted on Telegram:

This too shall pass, but what the hell?

Just shared via Messenger:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

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