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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Every time I think I’m cooked, God moves mountains for me. That’s so nice of Him.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,642

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

Broadcasted on Slack:

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

Freshly posted on X:

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

Just landed via Messenger:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

Live now on TikTok:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Just shared via Slack:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

Going bananas on Facebook:

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

Spotted on Slack:

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

Funny red carpet quotes

Funny red carpet quotes are the ultimate dose of glam and giggles 🎤✨! From unexpected zingers to cheeky one-liners, these moments bring the sparkle and laughs behind the glitz 🎬😂. Whether it’s a clever clapback or a witty remark, red carpet banter never fails to entertain and keep us coming back for more 📸🔥. Ready to dive into the most hilarious celeb moments that stole the spotlight? Let’s roll out the laughs! 🎉🌟

New funny red carpet quotes 👇

All funny red carpet quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

76 shares on YouTube this month:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

20 shares on Facebook this month:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

89 shares on YouTube this month:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

69 shares on X this month:

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

15 shares on Slack this month:

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

“Stop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,555

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I used to question authority, but now I question everything.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Sometimes you have to sit back and imagine what life could be if it wasn’t a horrifying nightmare.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Just shared via Instagram:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

Just landed via Twitch:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

Trending via Instagram:

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

Spotted on X:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Spotted on TikTok:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Trending via Snapchat:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Trending via Discord:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

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