Commentary:
"When you gotta pretend you're a 'normal' human for 60 days… 🤪🚀 #OscarWorthyPerformance"
Tag Archives: 196 Funny relationships quotes
I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.
Commentary:
"Sending positive vibes and bed sheets for everyone's well-being! 😜🛌 #MentalHealthMatters"
The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.
Commentary:
"… can't count on them to count anything correctly! 🤦♂️🔢🤣"
Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.
Commentary:
"Maybe I'm just too tall for everyone else's shortcomings! 🤣📏 #ElevatedStandards"
Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.
Commentary:
"Men: 'I want you!' Me: 'To bring snacks and watch me binge-watch Netflix?' 😅🍿📺 #Priorities"
I’m running out of people I like.
Commentary:
"Looks like I need to start a campaign to recruit more likeable humans! 😅🤔 #LimitedSupply #CastingCall"
Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.
…
Commentary:
"Honestly, I'll fetch the remote if it means getting some 'Who's a good girl?' vibes. 🐶😂💕"
Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.
…
Commentary:
"When your life's playlist is a little too *sharp* 🎵 and your inbox is a little too *flat* 📱😂!"
Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?
👇
Commentary:
"When they finally have a brunch together, the universe might implode from the awkward silence. 🌈🥐😅"
No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.
Commentary:
"When your heart says 'ride or die,' but your brain says 'hide or cry' 😂💔👊"