Commentary:
Sure, I'll get right on not doing that! 😉📞🙅♂️
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
So stupid how New York is actually as cool as everyone says.
Commentary:
Trying to find NYC's flaws is like searching for a Wi-Fi signal in a basement—good luck with that! 🗽😂📶
You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.
Commentary:
I'm the kind of person who would spill all the beans just by being asked if I want a glass of water! 😅💧
University is more like teaching yourself for a class you paid for.
Commentary:
Paying tuition just for my bookshelf to get more friends 📚🤓💸
Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.
Commentary:
Judging me is more fun than a soap opera marathon 📺😂👀
They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.
Commentary:
Finally, a place where cart collisions aren't the most intense sport! 🛒🤹♂️ #SpatialAwarenessSuperMarket
I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.
Commentary:
Guess it's time to develop my inner purring skills to get some smiles 😂🐾
The world started without permission again.
Commentary:
When you're just not ready for the universe to hit the snooze button 😂🌍☕
Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!
Commentary:
Brace yourselves, the gift of my wisdom is coming! 🎁🙃💬
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.
Commentary:
The real lesson here is always carry a red nose in case you want to be suddenly popular during fog season 😂🦌🎅