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Sounds like our plans are getting a party upgrade! Too bad I'm switching to ghost mode 👻🎉
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
Another year? But the last one got such bad reviews.
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Can't believe we've been greenlit for a sequel! 🎬🍿✨
What doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.
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When life gives you lemons, just remember they're probably going to explode now. 🍋💥😅
In my culture, family is completely unimportant. And we hate food.
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Sure thing! Just like my phone, I'm low on family connections and running on empty calories. 😂🍔📴
I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.
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Guess I'm just doing my part to keep the universe's snack supply and bossing quota in balance! 🍕📈😅
I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.
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Sounds like a new self-care trend: "The Big Apple Misery Detox" 🍏😅🗽
Nobody can ragebait as successfully as your own mother can.
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Moms have a PhD in pushing buttons 😂👩🎓💥
No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.
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Sounds like you're dating a human snooze button 😴💕👉⏰
I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.
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Guess I always suspected you had a good head on your shoulders! 😅🗡️🤣
Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.
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Well done, you've officially won the highly coveted Slowest Race trophy! 🏆🐢🚦