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R2D2 told me to beep-boop myself out of this conversation! 🤖😂
1260 Funny sarcasm quotes
“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.
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Finally found the secret to happiness: fewer texts and more snacks! 😂🍕📵
Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.
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Silence: the greatest gift, and it's budget-friendly too! 😂🤐✨
Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.
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When you wish people came with a fast-forward button 🎬🤣🤭
You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.
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When your cat has achieved boss-level status, but you haven't 😂🐱👑
Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.
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Guess I'll save my greatest love for karaoke night! 🎤😂
Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.
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Putting on a performance worthy of an audience that won't leave a tip! 🎭😂📸
I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.
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"Same here! I can ignore an insult but overcooked pasta? Now that's personal 🍝😆"
Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.
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Still buffering in the morning like a Wi-Fi connection in the basement 😂📱🌛
My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.
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Living the dream: become a ninja millionaire! 💸🎯🕵️♂️