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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

ChatGPT is down right now and if you listen closely, you can hear millions of content creators screaming.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

You don’t know a person until you’ve seen them eat popcorn.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,459

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

Freshly posted on X:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Just shared via Facebook:

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

Just shared via Threads:

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

Trending via Threads:

I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

Going viral on WeChat:

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Going bananas on Slack:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Just landed via Telegram:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

Funny schedules quotes

New funny schedules quotes 👇

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

0

2 months ago

clueless, end, family, family life, humor, humor quote, kids, life, marriage, minute, organization, parenting, people, plan, planning, schedules, types

Someone from 🇲🇭 has recently bookmarked this quote.

75 shares on Messenger this month.
Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

0

5 months ago

call, dating, humor, love, others, relationship, romance, ruin, schedule, schedules, sleep, sleep schedule

Someone from 🇳🇦 has recently bookmarked this quote.

40 shares on X this month.

All funny schedules quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on X this month:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

26 shares on Slack this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

I think it’s healthy to be a little horny at all times.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

38 shares on Facebook this month:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

64 shares on Slack this month:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

39 shares on X this month:

Being a writer means having a story you want everyone in the world to read, except anyone who knows you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I tried to act normal once, worst five minutes of my life.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Can we skip to the rich part?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Going viral on Instagram:

GTA6 should have streams and wetlands so we can work to conserve and restore them.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

Making waves on Telegram:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I don’t have any patience because it takes too long.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

Breaking via Slack:

I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Trending via YouTube:

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny schedules quotes

New funny schedules quotes 👇

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

All funny schedules quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨