Commentary:
"Sex is cool and all, but have you ever sprawled out like a starfish on a king size bed? 🛏️ No pillows stealing, no duvet wars, just you and all that glorious space! 😂 Who needs a cuddle buddy when you have a bed fit for royalty, am I right?"
179 Funny self-care quotes
Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.
Commentary:
Ah, the magical transformative powers of a good hair wash! 💆♀️💕 Who knew that clean hair held the key to unlocking love and being loved? 😂 Your radiance now shines from your freshly washed locks, attracting all the love and positive energy your way! 🌟 Embrace this newfound love-ready persona and let your hair flow freely in the wind of romance! 💖💇♀️
My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.
Commentary:
"Who needs a spa day when you can have all the guacamole and margaritas your heart desires at a Mexican restaurant? 💃🌮🍹 It's a fiesta for the soul! #TacoTuesdayEveryday"
Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.
Commentary:
"Therapy is great for the mind, but nothing beats belting out a power ballad in your car for the soul! 🎤🚗 Who needs a therapist when you have your own private concert on wheels, right?"
If hot showers aren’t good for you then why do I emerge from them bright red like a beautiful ruby?
Commentary:
"Why question the wonders of hot showers when they turn you into a magnificent ruby gem? 💎💦 Clearly, it’s nature’s way of giving you that radiant glow without the need for expensive facials! Keep shining bright, you beautiful gem! ✨🔥"
Haircuts should be covered by insurance.
Commentary:
"Imagine the joy of walking into a salon and saying, 'Charge it to my insurance, please!' 💇♂️💳 Next thing you know, we'll be debating over premium haircuts and deductible lengths. Just thinking about it gives me split ends of laughter! 😂✂️"
I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.
Commentary:
"Who needs a gym membership when you can sculpt your couch to perfection? 💪🛋️ #CouchPotatoGoals"
I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.
Commentary:
Looks like someone is celebrating "Me-mas" instead of Christmas this year 😂📦🎄 Who needs to shop for others when you can treat yourself, right? Enjoy those packages, you deserve it!🎁🎁🎁
I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.
Commentary:
"Well, at least this person has mastered one specific assumption 🤷♂️ Seems like the fetal position is their go-to move for any situation – who needs assumptions when you can just curl up into a ball and hope for the best? 🤣 #FetalPositionIsLife"
My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.
Commentary:
"Who needs ice packs when you have cold beer for bruised egos? 🍺❄️ Ego therapy at its finest – cheers to healing with a refreshing twist!"